4. Be careful what you wish for.

I have wanted to live on my own since July 1990. What happened at that time in my life to spur this need for independence? I went from the blissful existence of a jet-setting only child to taking on the role and responsibilities of big sisterhood. Since then I’ve not only gained a little brother but an appreciation of the individuals my siblings have grown into and formed what I’d like to think are strong relationships with them. I’ve grown up (to use the term loosely), moved out of my parent’s house, lived in dorms, lived with friends, lived with boyfriends, and even lived like a squatter in friends’ apartments for a few months.  The need for a home to call my own has never disappeared though and so this year when I chose to move across the state to go to school, the planets finally seemed to align in such a way that I would be able to live on my own.

In a flurry of excitement I spent the entire summer planning my new apartment. I picked out wall colors, accessories, layouts. I scoured craigslist for furniture to call my own. I occupied my every free moment with plans for this apartment; plans that had been 20 years coming.

Now, a month and a half after moving in, I’ve completed about half of my interior designing tasks. My bedroom is put together for the most part and the living room will be able to be finished once I finally paint the walls. All in all, a lot of progress has been made toward my goal of The Ideal Apartment. Something I hadn’t planned on: I hate living by myself.

As it turns out, growing up as the oldest kid of three means that you get used to never having to entertain yourself. I’m not entirely sure how to handle this as I have at least 6 more months left on my lease, so I’ve decided to entertain myself by writing up a list of pros and cons in regard to my living alone.

Pros:

• Peeing with the door open — It is a lot more liberating than you’d think.
• Total control of any and all decisions concerning decor because there’s no one to tell you that a hot pink plaid couch is ugly.
• When I put food in the fridge, it doesn’t disappear until I eat it.
• Speaking of food, I can eat whatever I want for any meal. Cheese and crackers for breakfast? Surely! Cottage cheese and green peas for dinner? Sounds both delicious and nutritious! Chocolate? Appropriate day or night and for any occasion!
• If you want to drink wine at seemingly inappropriate times of the day, there is no one there to judge you.
• No one takes the remote from you to watch something totally boring because you have supposedly been “hogging the tv”. (Sidenote: It shouldn’t be known as hogging if what you’re watching is enjoyable for everyone.)

Cons:

• Cooking for one is a lot less exciting than cooking for more than one.
• No one is there to laugh with you at any of the great reality TV programming out there right now.
• It is now dangerous to bake anything delicious or bring junk food into the house because you will end up eating all of it. ALL OF IT.
• If you want to drink wine at seemingly inappropriate times of the day, there is no one there to pour you refills.
• There’s no one to play Super Mario Bros with on the Wii. (Being by myself, though, means I can name the Wii, Wiidith. Heehee.)
• The independence that I thought I would enjoy just means that I have to do everything alone. As counter-intuitive as it may seem to say something like this since I’m trying to get people to read a blog I’m writing, but I am really, really boring by myself.

Basically, I focused a little too much on paint chips and furniture that may be described by others as “ugly”. I should’ve probably realized that my friends and family are huge parts of my life. I was blinded by the mini paper lanterns!

It only took me like 20 minutes to write this entry so now I find myself back at square one. Sigh.