I recently reread a post from one of my very first blogging attempts (a joint effort between my bff Jane and I that never really got off the ground). I wanted to re-post it here because (although the end is a bit melodramatic) it helped me reflect on how much my life has changed in the past three years.
The toughest lessons so far…
Posted on June 9, 2010 by Edith
I’d like to think I’ve learned something about relationships in the last 24 (almost 25) years. I’d like to think that I’ve absorbed enough information to prevent repeating my mistakes. Yet, here I am: sleepless and listening to Elliot Smith on repeat.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown
I have found that this quote (whomever it may belong to) to be truest when involving romance. Friendships are relatively easily repaired and it is not strange cycle through levels of involvement. However, relationships tend to have an expected level of intimacy and so it seems impossible to repair whatever ground is lost. When trust is lost and there isn’t a strong enough foundation to rebuild upon, it is easier to cut your losses and walk away. Usually whatever repairs can be made aren’t enough to build on anyways.
Sometimes it hurts too much to fix the un-fixable.
So what are you supposed to do when you remove that source of pain? Some say that distraction allows you to focus on your own needs until the problem fixes itself. Some say wallowing in the void allows you to fully appreciate what needs you do have and where you can best help yourself.
I’m on a mission, dear readers. I’m on a mission to figure out where heartache ends and recovery begins. Any suggestions you might have are welcome.
At that point I had recently ended a long term relationship with someone who was a nice guy but wasn’t the right guy. Quite frankly, we were a terrible fit and had been actively trying to ignore our discomfort for the past five years. The dam finally broke one day about two months before this entry was written and I found myself without the safety net that I had clung to so desperately for so long. I’m glad I made that leap into a new life, though, because without it I would never be where I am today.
Well, hello again.
It seems that I allowed my hectic life to sit on and smother what little time I had devoted to this blog. Sorry about that. I know, you were probably panicked; wondering if I’d ever resurface. I’m sure you spend every waking hour rereading my past posts trying to find some sense of pattern that would predict when I would decide to return. More likely, the four people that actually read this are also friends with me on Facebook (as well as in real life) and already know exactly how the last 9 months have gone.
Let me sum it up for anyone that hasn’t been following along through other outlets:
- Started a Pintrest (isn’t is amazing?)
- Married Mr. Z in one of my favorite spots in all the land and spent our honeymoon in glorious Chicago
- Bought a house and moved into it the night we returned from the honeymoon
- Started a new job at the University I’ve been taking classes through the day after we moved into the house
- Became pregnant sometime between starting the new job and the week of Thanksgiving (which is when I did the actual pee-stick-test)
- Adopted two more doggies within all that mess which means I am now outnumbered by men at a 4:1 ratio
- Oh yeah, and I was still taking two classes in my Master’s program
Phew. I have had a wonderfully exciting, chaotic, stimulating, and overwhelming last few months or so. The fact is, I’m really ready for a big dose of boredom. Especially considering the upcoming addition to our mostly-furry family, I feel the need to soak up any and all moments of relaxation and calm.
Luckily, my new job is nothing if not calm. I’ve found myself in the midst of one of the more serene environments that I’ve ever experienced. Yes, we still get crazy days where there never seem to be enough people or hands, but the people I work with are just calm. It is a very nice change of pace that will hopefully allow me to get back on the wagon with this project. For all the changes that have occurred, I’m still seeking out my original desire: a focus on the things that embody my true sense of self.
So life in Texas can be summed up with three words: hot, dry and busy.
I’ve started school, have been working full time as a receptionist (a position I have a newfound respect for), and I am volunteering for the local domestic violence shelter. There are times where I feel like I’m completely in over my head and then there are times where I feel on top of the world.
Jackson has been adapting to Texas quite well. I think he feels like a bigger dog here. The complex we live in has a ton of dogs living in it and he’s made a lot of little (and some really big) friends.
It probably helps his ego that all the windows are his height.
So I was inspired by something that my friend (Heather of It’s My Life) pointed out to me via StumbleUpon to try something new in crocheting. I’d like to point out at this point that I am at best a crocheting novice and so the only thing I’ve ever been able to make is the odd scarf. I used to know how to make hats, but I have since forgotten.
The project that I’m hopefully working up to is an 8-bit Mario Blanket made out of granny squares. There seem to be a variety of granny squares, but I decided to learn the type in the tutorial connected to the blanket instructions.
As it turns out granny squares are pretty easy once you master them. I can’t wait to have the time to sit down and make a whole afghan of them!
Here’s my finished product:
Also, remind me to a do a post on StumbleUpon. I am obsessed!